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Now, now, don't look shocked. I assure you that these are the type of people who would be better off as knick knacks, trinkets, or something else.
Now what are you interested in?
  Not too long ago I had to deal with a rather unpleasant situation. Members of the local zoning board tried to shut my store down. I argued the point but they still continued to work against me. Then one afternoon the chairperson of the zoning board came into my shop, and had the gall to ask for a bribe to keep my store where it was. I took quick care of her, and with her as an example the rest of the board soon changed their minds about my store.
Heh heh heh, chairperson. |
  So many things have changed since I was young. The biggest one in my view has to be cars. Horses might make a mess and are big, strong, and can hurt people who aren’t careful. However even the dumbest horse I ever knew was still smarter that too many of the people driving today. I hate poor drivers, and I take every opportunity to take them from behind the wheel. Often that means putting them in front of the wheel and a little to the right.
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  Not long ago I caught one of my employees stealing out of the register. I can't stand people who betray me, but she had worked for me for several years so I took it easy on her. She always liked flowers.
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 I've been called a neat freak more than a few times, but I don't take offence at it because it's pretty much true. So when I see a neighbor of mine simply tossing her trash out into the street I got rather upset! At first I thought she would be better off as a pig, but as I thought that over I realized that would only add to the mess. So instead I decided to let her clean up messes from now on. My shop's floor hasn't looked so nice in years.
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  Ah, let me show you this one. I'm very proud of her. This was the very first person whom I changed into something else. She was a princess from the Qing Dynasty. She dishonored her father the Emperor Kangxi but he couldn't bring himself to have her killed. So instead he summoned my master and I. Normally we wouldn't want to do any thing for the Manchus but in this case we made an exception. My teacher let me perform the spell. It took several days and I must say the princess was very stoic, though I doubt she truly believed that I could turn her into jade. Late in the chaos of the 40's I found her for sale on some street vendors table. I bought her and keep her here on this shelf. I'm often tempted to turn her back just to hear what her adventures were, but she was a Manchu, and jade she shall stay.
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 I don't just sell nick knacks out of my shop, I also do interior decorating. I was called into spruce up a local... ahem Gentleman's club called the Garden. Apparently it's owned by a small Bat woman. Odd, but who am I to judge? Anyway while I was there a man at the bar started to cause a scene. He was drunk and when the girl behind the bar cut him off he got abusive. Soon two bouncers came up and grabbed him. I then asked the owner if I could use him for the decor, I hate mean drunks. She didn't mind. So a couple of spells later and that was that. I figured if he wanted to stay the bar in a strip club he should be appropriately shaped. I hear he's quite popular now, even though the clean up staff has to wipe off all the finger prints each night.
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